Relationship Issues:

Why doesn’t he just understand to me? Why does she have to be so emotional?

The “relationship dilemma” at times can be fun, emotional, difficult, and at times downright draining.  Why does this cycle always have to happen? No matter what I say he just doesn’t get it! Or no matter what I do it is never good enough. Is there really any truth that woman are more tuned into their emotions then men? And why is that men wouldn’t be able to understand “IT” if “IT” hit him on the forehead?
In a book written by Louann Brizendine, M.D. she explains one biological difference between men and woman like this. “Maneuvering like and F-15, the female brain is a high-performance emotion machine geared to tracking: second by second, minute by minute, tracking the non-verbal signals of the inner most feelings and dissecting verbal signals of others. By sharp contrast, men, and according to scientists, are not as adept at reading facial expressions and interpreting emotional cues especially signs of sadness, anger, despair and distress. In other words, a woman’s brain is like a super highway, hard wired to detect minuscule emotions, while most men have only a country road.” The good news is we can work through this together. We simply start by becoming aware of the “what the real issue is!”


1. Communication, communication, and did I say communication?
  * See my five rules for a positive and productive conversation
2. Role Expectations
3. Money/Finances
4. Sex/Emotions  
5. Children
6. Parenting & Parenting Styles


1. The grass “is not” always greener on the other side!
2. A “healthy” family system and structure is critical for our children’s development and stability.
3. Couples live longer when in healthy relationships.
4. Financial difficulties are easier to handle when you have a good partner.
5. Our emotions tend to stabilize in a healthy relationship.


1. GOALS: Get a clear understanding of what topic you wish to discuss, identify your thoughts and feelings, be specific with your needs, and know what it is you wish to accomplish with this conversation.

2. APPROACH is everything!!! Check in with the person first. Let him/her know you would like an opportunity to discuss a specific matter. Make sure to mention that this conversation is not about them but “about you.” Agree to a time and place that is comfortable for both parties. Make sure you are not feeling confused, hungry or tired. Get plenty of sleep and eat a balanced meal before your conversation.

3. AWARENESS: Be in the moment. Find your voice and speak your truths in a healthy way that is not attacking, blaming or hurtful. Remember this conversation is “all about you.” Your thoughts, feelings and needs. Be specific and give specific examples.

4. UNDERSTANDING: Allow the opportunity for feedback from the person you are communicating with. A conversation is a two-way engagement. Be non-judgmental and open in receiving their thoughts, feelings and reactions. Remember for every action there is a Reaction.

5. RESOLUTION: Resolution and closure are important components to a healthy and proactive conversation. The final goal is to effectively communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs so that the other person is on the same page and has clarity. If there are additional issues you need to address, schedule a follow up conversation to allow for additional concerns. Close your conversation with a positive statement! For example, I appreciate you and your time.

Barb enjoys working with various realtionships: heterosexual, bi-sexual and interracial